For those of you currently dating, here’s a hug. It’s rough out there. If you are looking for a long-term, committed and monogamous relationship, it can sometimes seem an insurmountable task to find someone of the same mindset. As many of you are aware, I got married a few weeks ago. Before that, I shared my seemingly endless struggles dating. In my many years of relationship experience, I have met all types of people: those who treat dating like a game, those who are just looking for hookups and one time I was even catfished! I finally just shut down my dating profiles and decided to try a different tactic: being alone for a while. *Gasp* One story I don’t recall sharing was my experience with hobosexuals. What is a hobosexual, you might ask? Well, it’s someone who is just kind of coasting through life, with no dreams, aspirations or motivations of their own, except to date whoever will take care of them financially.
Are You Dating A Hobosexual? Here’s How To Know
No Motivation and/or Lack of Accountability
My first encounter with a hobosexual was in my late teens. I was young, so please excuse my naivete. Please be advised, also, that hobosexuals are not the same as people who are disabled or have other legitimate reasons that they need assistance in taking care of themselves. Hobosexuals are able bodied people who are just not interested or motivated. In my experience with hobosexuals, the “system” is always against them. They “can’t” find a job because “no one will give them a chance.” Scrub #1 was fresh out the slammer and couldn’t understand why no one would hire him.
Thinks “The Man” Is Against Them & Assumes All Rich People Didn’t Earn It
Things Every Hobosexual Needs To Know:
1. You have to actually apply for a job to see if they will give you a chance before you decide that they won’t, 2. Perhaps don’t apply for jobs with cash registers when you just got out of jail for grand larceny. Scrub #1 always thought people “owed” him something because life was “easier” for the rich. 3. Also, if you have been in jail repeatedly for the same offences, how many “chances” do you need to be given before you accept a little accountability and change YOUR behavior? He always felt there was some unseen man holding him down – that his choices had nothing to do with his outcome.
Unclear Living Arrangements
Anyway, this guy was a scrub to the nth degree. When we met he was jobless and “staying on a friend’s couch.” My poor, bleeding heart offered him a place to stay and helped, aka coaxed him into, getting a job. He went through several jobs in our 4 years together. He was caught stealing at a couple of them and, according to him, it was never his fault. He always rationalized and downplayed his poor decisions. No accountability whatsoever. I was unaware of his lengthy rap sheet until months into the relationship and by then I was hooked on this bum. Years after we broke up, he was living in a tent. I felt sorry for him and offered to help him again. But he was still the same. He just wanted to do drugs, didn’t want to work and didn’t want to take care of his responsibilities. That was the last time I ever offered to help him. It’s called a hand UP, not a hand OUT.
Never Pays For Anything, Ever
I would like to think that was my last experience with a hobosexual but, alas, it was not. This wouldn’t be a good blog post if your girl had quickly learned her lesson, now would it? After my divorce a few years ago I met this guy who was a bit younger than me. To be fair, he was fun to be around unlike Suspect #1. Our new scrub was also not a druggie and he actually was employed, though how gainfully remains in question.
The issue with him was I always paid for everything, and I do mean everything. I drove everywhere. I paid for every meal. We always hung out at my house so I even paid for all the electric and other utilities associated with our shared relationship. In the 6 months we dated [thank God it didn’t take 4 YEARS to learn this time] I was only ever at his home twice. There were other issues with him too, but today we are focusing on the “moochiness” of it all. In the ENTIRE time we were together he bought me a small medical item and a smoothie. That was it. We went to concerts, festivals [he did throw $100 in on one music festival that costed WAY more than that], trips, out to eat many, many times. I paid for it all. Every single dime.
You Feel Used
Scrub #2 might have been ok if I was independently wealthy with not a care in the world as to how my money was spent. However, I am not wealthy and I do care. I did bring this up to him a few times and he always had some excuse: no tags on his truck, no gas, low pay, etc. In the end, he just made me feel used. And I am not interested in that. I gave him a few months to “man up.” He did not and I ended it with him.
If you are dating someone who isn’t carrying their fair share, I suggest ending it. Quickly. If you are like me, you will just end up bitter about all the money you wasted on someone who wasn’t worth it. People will treat you how you let them. Hoping they will stop using you when 1. they obviously think that is an acceptable way to treat others and 2. you have allowed them to treat you that way, will not work. In the end I realized, I am too old to teach another adult how to behave. If they don’t know how to act and how to treat others, they just don’t. A leopard doesn’t change their spots and a hobosexual doesn’t change their behavior.
Have you dated a hobosexual? If so, share your story in the comments below!
