As many of you have probably already read about, I decided to try online dating again after being out of the dating pool for about 12 years. We also try to keep it fair over here, so if you haven’t already been following along, be sure to check out Rafe’s experience online dating as well. Rafe and I have been friends since we were teens and I can attest, he is a catch, ladies, not some random online pervert. So if he hits you up, I recommend writing back. Anyway, back to me. 😉
Why I Shut Down My Online Dating Profiles
I started my online dating profiles around the end of August or early September. I used 2 sites. One netted me over 400 messages and the other got me like 5. After literally hundreds of guys contacting me in total, I got very discouraged with the whole thing and shut down both online dating profiles a few days ago. I have actually been trying to decide what exactly to write. The first post was funny but, overall, the experience hasn’t been all that fun for me if I’m being honest. The whole experience has been crazy and, I have to admit, I am not 100% sure I would ever do it again. Maybe one day. We’ll see.
So, here is my experience for those of you considering online dating. It stunk. So much suck. Most of the guys I met were after sex. And they didn’t mind letting me know it. Some came out with it really fast, like first line in the first message to me fast. Some were more chill about it and waited until we had talked a few days to spring it on me. And a few even waited until we met {Of the 400+ who contacted me, I met like 10 guys in real life} to let me know they were interested in sex. Look, I am cool with whatever 2 consenting adults want to do but come on people. There are women on there just looking for sex, too. Hit one of them up. That is just not my style at all.
So, there were a few really nice guys that I met and I would like to say thanks to these guys for making my online dating experience nice in many ways, too.
Tim The Toolman – This guy is so very cool. Like me, he loves to travel and he is full of interesting stories. He just got up one day and went to the Outer Banks. With basically no plan. And he had one heck of a time, meeting new people, camping out, just living life. Pretty much all the stuff I wish I had the nerve to do but the planning side of me freaks out about. Unfortunately, I don’t think we “liked” each other but I really would love to be great friends with this guy. He is awesome and probably my absolute favorite person, personality wise, that I met on the dating site.
The Carpenter – I went out with this guy a couple of times. There was no love connection there either, though I kind of wish there were. He’s a really sweet guy. And he is definitely my kind of funny. He was also a gentleman and many of the other guys online could stand to learn a thing or two from him about how to talk to and behave around a woman. Just my humble opinion.
The Paramedic – This guy I actually like[d]. So much. We went out a couple of times and it hasn’t worked out for us so far for a variety of reasons but we still talk. He has a fabulous personality, is really smart and and funny and also has lots and lots of great stories to tell. I find him very intriguing. Oh, and he’s hot, too. So freaking hot. So, we shall see what, if anything, happens with this situation.
I would also like to send a shout out to that one special guy who will remain nameless for being a particular type of asshat. He knows who he is. And he knows what he did. Jerk face.
Which leads me to taking a break from online dating. It’s, honestly, just too much to deal with. Too many people writing me and my trying to get through all of the crap was particularly stressful. If you are a woman who is not REALLY sure of herself and who doesn’t have a REALLY crazy high self esteem, I gotta say, I recommend steering clear. Altogether. I have no idea how people use these dating sites for months or even years. One month in and I was ready to literally tear my hair out. I don’t need this crap. And you don’t either.
Having said that, I also don’t know of a better way to meet people, unless you have a job outside the home. Traditionally, I have dated people that I worked with [when I wasn’t dating someone I met online] or that I went to school with. I really just don’t know how to meet people. Now that I work from home, meeting new people has become a particular challenge. And when I do get out of the house, it’s generally to travel off somewhere, so that just won’t work either. So there are my challenges to try to overcome if I am going to find someone to date.
So, I am going to just take some time to work on me. Perhaps if I work on myself some, I might have that almost arrogant level of self esteem {just kidding, sort of} needed to navigate the online dating world as a woman without becoming jaded. Who knows, I might venture on there again one day and share my funny/horror stories with you again. Until then, I think Rafe is still in the game, so I can’t wait to see what he shares next.
Are You Using Online Dating Apps?
If you are using online dating apps, I would love to hear your stories. Have you had a good experience or a bad experience? Or maybe it’s been really weird. Feel free to share your stories in the comments below. Also, know where I can meet some nice, non-sex crazed guys? 😛
OMG, I am SO glad I met my husband back when online dating wasn’t a thing. I used to think the real life dating was dicey, but it’s nothing compared to the type of stories I hear from tons of people just like you. Ugh!
I am so glad I don’t have to do the online dating thing. I found my best friend before this became a thing. It seems like a horror show to me.
Wow. It sounds like lady luck was not with you on these dates. I don’t think I could do it. Online dating seems like a crap shoot in the seediest underground casino you could find. Not for me.
Lol! I think that is the most accurate description that I have ever read! And I so don’t have a poker face. Lol!
I loved reading this, even if your experiences were less than perfect! I met my boyfriend from online dating and know your struggles!
I have tried online dating and it really doesn’t work all that well. Your struggles were the same as mine back when I was trying it. People a lot of times are just in it for one thing and that seems to be at. I hope you find what you’re looking for eventually.
I met my husband on eHarmony before I knew anyone who had met their spouse online. We’ve been happily married for 13 years! Try eHarmony! 🙂
That is a site that I have never tried. It has come highly recommended by a few people, though. If I venture back into the online dating world, I think I will definitely try that site. Thanks for the suggestion and congrats on your relationship success!
It does work. I am from the stone age and had to use a newspaper instead of a computer, and that is how I met my husband and my adopted son. Technology has changed, but I know many people who have had success. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Think of it as an interviewing process! My husband hasn’t lost his job with me in 24 years!
I actually met Jay online and we were together 11 years, so I do know that there are lots of success stories. 😀 Congrats on your fabulous love story and family. You guys rock!
I have never persobally used one but I also don’t think I ever would. Too much trouble!
I am SO glad I am not in the dating world. I would think it would be so difficult. I would be leary about on-line dating not knowing if the other person is truthful.
I don’t blame you, I’ve heard horror stories. My sister just deleted hers too!
I hope that your sister finds what she is looking for soon. Let the force be with her. 😉
That sounds pretty horrible … with the exception of the paramedic. It’s a tricky world and I think you have to be super trusting to do the online thing. Not sure I have the guts.
That’s a beautiful message for people who are currently single, it’s good to work on you first. I think it’s okay to take a break from dating, we’re not in a race and we should really take our time when it comes to looking for people.
Yes! This!! It’s not a race. And I am thankful that I also have tons of great friends to spend my time with. <3
One of my grown sons has an online dating profile. I hate that he meets people that way. The girls are always super nice and then I worry for them too, lolol! Def. old school here.
Maybe that is the thing. I have been online forever in some form or fashion. But, perhaps, I am just too old school for online dating. There are lots and lots of people who seem quite comfortable with it. I am definitely not.
I have never tried online dating, but I always imagined it sucked as much as you said. I don’t know how people meet when they aren’t in school or doing a lot of stuff outside the home. It seems so complicated. Thank you for your honest assessment. Hopefully, I won’t ever have to jump back in the dating pool ha ha.
I remember being in this stage but there weren’t apps during that time. Dating is tough, it’s so confusing too, sometimes. I think it’s awesome that you’re taking a break and focusing on you.
It’s been so long since I last dated. I don’t even know what the dating world is like anymore. I think it’s really nice that you’re working on yourself though, that’s what we all need before we start to see people.
I agree. Nothing shows you that you are not quite ready for dating after all like dating.
Yikes! Sorry you had such a crummy experience. I joke with my husband all the time that we will never break up because dating in today’s world takes to much work lol. Thankfully, I met him in high school, well before online dating was a thing. I don’t think I could hack the dating scene in this age.
Ironically, in my 20s, I actually dated a couple of guys that I went to high school with that I never dated in high school. I met or re-met them both online, lol.
I’ve heard good and bad with online dating services. I’ve never tried one myself… I think I’d be a little scared of creepers!
I am not sure I have really met any creepers, but girl, the perverts. Oh my goodness….
I’ve never used a dating service myself but I know 2 couples (who seem to be happily married) that met each other that way. I think taking time for yourself is a great idea though!
I actually met Jay online, and we were together for 11 years, so I know there are success stories dating online. Since we were together that long, I do consider that to be a success. However, this last month, for the most part, meh… lol.
There are so many horror stories from online dating, it’s amazing people still try! I’m glad you had at least a few positive experiences amidst all the crazy.
I couldn’t imagine having to dive into the dating pool again. From what I have heard of the online dating experience from friends and from reading your posts it sounds so frustrating.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it doesn’t matter if you do online dating websites or if you try to meet someone in person. Either way, you will always find a creep or if you are lucky, you will meet the man of your dreams. Just take your time.
This really provided an insight on online dating from a first person point of view. I guess it is just really a game of chance to find a real honest person from these sites. Thanks for sharing your story and wish you find Mr. Right.
Love to love is the will of God. It is also the fate of every human being. Do not be sad when you are betrayed, try dating again
I’m in my thirties, never married/no kids, single over a year, and I’ve still never been on a dating site. If I ever do, it would probably be just to meet guys to go do fun stuff with vs looking for a life partner. This isn’t because there aren’t good people online (and crappy people in the real world–I mean it is just one world after all) but rather that I am not a fan of the idea of “looking” for love… I think love is something that just happens to you at the right time with the right person.
I think that’s part of the problem in our society. People can’t be alone… most people I know are back on dating sites looking to meet someone the second they break up… I will never understand that. They go from one bad relationship to another, to another, no healing time in between, and never staying single so they could be available if they happened to meet the right person! I really don’t understand it, myself. I love being on my own. Freedom is a wonderful thing. I will live my life free and doing my own thing, and one day, I believe I will come across an amazing man who is doing the same, and we will get together. And if that never happens, that’s okay too.
I met my husband online but I REALLY think there is a particular type that is meant for online dating and it’s absolutely not for everyone! I met a lot of friends online too. I have terrible social anxiety so it really was (I suppose, still is!) my outlet for social interaction. I did meet a crazy here or there, plenty of people I don’t still carry around in my life, but I also met some really fantastic people. My husband is my favorite though lol