I am currently married, but I dated extensively online before that. For those of you that have been readers for a while, you may have read about my online dating woes. If not, you can read all about my online dating experiences here. I’ve experienced manipulators, scrubs, being catfished and, my personal favorite, a man I started dating who I met online who couldn’t be bothered when I asked him to take me to the hospital. Legit. He was with me, he refused to take me to the hospital and then left my house, leaving me alone. Turns out, I was having a heart attack. But he needed to take a nap, so… priorities! Anyway, the point I am trying to make is, some people you meet online are scum, and people that pull online romance scams are some of the scummiest.
Luckily for me I have been out of the dating pool a while. I say this because, girl [or guy], it’s rough out there. I have been seeing so many stories online, particularly on YouTube, about online romance scams. Fortunately, I was never successfully taken advantage of in this way, but as I have done my research for this article, I realize that attempts were definitely made, on many occasions. You might be thinking to yourself, “I will NEVER be a victim of a romance scam.” Hopefully you are right, but online romance scams have become so prevalent, that they cost US citizens 1.3 BILLION dollars in 2022. And no, that’s not a couple of guys taking a few rich widows for millions. The average victim is taken for $4,400 – which equals quite a lot of victims.
How To Spot Online Romance Scams
They Try To Leave The Dating App – Fast
While I was on dating apps, I was often asked, rather quickly, to leave the app and chat via email, text, or WhatsApp. I didn’t have WhatsApp and didn’t feel comfortable providing my email or phone number so quickly so I refused, often leading to my getting “ghosted” almost immediately. Honestly, it didn’t occur to me that someone was trying to scam me, I just thought the guy was being a jerk. For me, it was easier to keep up with our communications in one spot, so why move to another communication platform when we just met anyway? I have learned that this is a common technique scammers use to exert control over the situation. Why? If they stay on the dating app too long, the likelihood of them being caught by the app increases. They need to work fast and leave quickly, hopefully taking their targets with them.
They Ask For Personal Information And Are Stingy With Providing Theirs
Online romance scammers want as much personal information about you as possible so they can use it against you later. For instance, if you are a woman who always wanted children and never had them, the romance scammer might craft his story to include children. They want to fulfill your “needs” in that way, to come off as the best possible love match for you. The more information you fill out on your profile about your preferences, red flags, etc., the more the scammer has to work with in order to craft their story. These con artists are typically stingy with personal information, too. The less information they provide [on their profile or to you], the less they have to remember, and the less likely they are to get caught in a lie. Online romance scammers instead will make it appear like they are only interested in hearing about you – this looks like someone who is super interested – when in reality they are gathering as much information about you as possible, to form a fake persona catered directly to your preferences.
They Ask For Money Or Offer Investment Advice
The only thing that an online romance scammer is interested in is getting your money. I can not stress this enough. Many of them work in groups, based in overseas countries [often Nigeria]. These groups have scripts they go by that they have finetuned for years to account for most scenarios and excuses you might use not to provide money when requested. These people are master manipulators and cater their tactics to the victim. They might often “drop hints” for money, speaking of difficult scenarios they are in to hopefully pull at your heartstrings. They often demand money straight out, often in the form of cryptocurrencies and gift cards. If you refuse, or if you comply a few times and then stop, online romance scammers have been known to threaten violence. They often trick their victims into fake investments or participation in illegal operations. Always trust your gut. If you feel something is wrong, end all communications immediately and contact the authorities [linked below]. Unfortunately, once the money has gone overseas, it is incredibly difficult and unlikely that you will get it back. But you should still create a paper trail and report the crime anyway.
They Employ Love Bombing
Online romance scammers try to form intense bonds quickly. They do this because the more emotionally attached you are, the more likely you are to overlook red flags and choose to trust them. The end goal is to drain you of as much money as possible and the easiest way to do that is to gain your trust. They have a target and they are hyper focused on getting there as quickly as possible. What do your friends and family think of your new relationship? If they seem concerned, perhaps you should be, too. Ask yourself, does this seem to good to be true? If so, it probably is.
They Can’t Pass A Reverse Image Search
Remember, these online romance scams almost always contain photos stolen from unsuspecting people. Always reverse image search anyone you are considering as a potential match – especially if the potential paramour is not someone you know through a friend or family member. It’s really easy to do and only takes a few minutes. I don’t know how many episodes of Catfish that I have seen where the saboteur was easily found to be fraudulent with no other research than a simple image search.
They Avoid Meeting In Person
Online romance scammers always come up with excuses to not meet in public. They might be far away on an oil rig or constantly traveling for work. Or, you set up plans and then an emergency comes up. They might even ghost you for a while and be incredibly difficult to contact. Then they contact you with vague excuses. You try to meet again and, guess what? Another emergency – which becomes a cycle. Why? Well, they aren’t the person in the picture. And they sure don’t want to explain why they stole someone else’s photo in person and potentially lose the cash cow they are taking monetary advantage of. At the very least, if someone won’t meet you in public and they are actually the person in the photo, you have to ask yourself, do you really only want a relationship online? If the answer is no, then scammer or not, ditch that person. They aren’t serious about you.
They Avoid Video and/or Phone Calls
Online romance scammers will avoid video calls because, again, they aren’t that person in the photo. If they happen to video chat with you, it will most likely be a grainy, looped video that they have also stolen off an unsuspecting person. The scammer will say one or two phrases to match up to the mouth movements of the video they stole and that will be it – generally feigning a poor connection. This is just more trickery. If they can’t have a real video conversation with you, they are most likely scammers. Cut ties. Fast.
Gaslighting
Online romance scammers are masters at making you feel like the jerk or that you are crazy when you question their intentions. They had a vague emergency come up? You are insensitive and heartless if you want further explanation. The scammer can’t do a video call? You are a jerk for questioning their internet connection. You want further information on this investment they are pressuring you into? You are being paranoid and don’t trust them. You found out the scammer stole the pictures? You are now a crazy stalker for catching them in a lie. Scammers will always have an excuse for their behavior and you will always be the person at fault. You can’t have an adult conversation with someone with this lack of morality. And they certainly aren’t the person that you fell in love with. So why bother? Cut them off and block them on everything as soon as you understand what is going on.
If you have been the victim of an online romance scam, report the crime to the FTC as well as the FBI and Homeland Security.
