As many of you know, my mom died earlier this year. We were estranged and I talked about how I felt being left out of the obituary. Well, a certified letter was delivered a few days ago talking about mom’s will. Of course, I never expected her to leave me anything. I mean, she couldn’t even mention my name in an obituary, right? But I was listed as a “legal heir.”
How My Mom Got Me To Pay For Her Last Jab At Me
So, I called the courthouse to see what the deal was. I assumed I would have to at the very most sign any legal right to anything away to my sisters who would, naturally, be the only inheritants, as they were when mom divided up dad’s stuff after he passed away 15 years ago when I was still speaking to all of them. If I didn’t get anything then, why would I get anything now? I was instructed that I had to actually drive to the courthouse {20+ miles away in town I basically never visit} and pay 50 cents a sheet to see the will}. I told the woman I was sure that I would be getting nothing so couldn’t I just not come and she insisted that I do come.
So, I drove to the courthouse yesterday, paid the $1.50 for the will {it was 3 sheets} to see that, not only was I not left anything, but that, in fact, my mom did remember my name. She mentioned it in the will, at the bottom, with the note, “to whom I leave nothing.”
Nice. I assure you that is only funny in a sitcom. Otherwise, it’s just hurtful. I mean, why mention me at all. It’s her right to leave what she wants to whom she wants, but did she have to do that?
I really thought the obituary would be the last chance mom would get to hurt me. But, I was wrong. You see, it wasn’t about stuff with me. She owned a hoarded, dilapidated house that had been vacant for like 15 years, 2 broken down cars and a camper that a family member had shot and killed himself in. I had no interest in any of that. All I ever wanted was to be loved by this woman that denied me that birthright all my life. I finally got sick of trying so hard to get someone to care about me who just should have without me having to fight constantly to earn it. So, in 2008 I cut ties with her. I just felt the relationship was far too toxic and I wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore except hurt.
And I was right. Her actions have assured me of that time and time again.
So, Here Is Something I Want You To Think About
We all die and most of us have no idea when it will happen. I am sure that having a date suddenly blaring at you is scary, but it’s also a luxury that we aren’t all given. It’s a reminder and a chance to focus on what is really important. I hope that if one day I am given advanced warning that I am going to die, that I will be focusing on beautiful memories and trying to make more in what little time I have left. I want to spend that time loving and enjoying those that I am close to. When/if my time becomes very finite and defined, I really hope that I am not consumed with anger and the overwhelming need to hurt others with every last breath.
I hope you all feel the same. If not, please try to. Life is just too short to spend so much of it filled with hate.
View Comments (39)
I am so sorry for your loss and the situation. It's the sad that she was so consumed in herself and her hate that she couldn't see the loss of you. She missed out on knowing you. From your blog, your readers know what a kind and loving person you are. Funny and family oriented. I don't know the situation with your mother but hug your daughter and realize that you know what love and family mean. That you are wonderful and beautiful....you are....you can tell by your daughter and relationship with her. I hope I'm not overstepping or saying the wrong thing. Take time and let yourself feel whatever but always hug your daughter.
While I agree, there are just some things that I can't get past. I've tried, but I hold a grudge like no one's business.
Hate is something that is not in my vocabulary and it shouldn't be in other's as well. Happiness is the way to lead a fullfilling life and surrounding yourself with like minded individuals does too.
I really needed this today. I just found my mother - whom I haven't spoken too in some time - is in the hospital with pneumonia. I don't hate her anymore, but I also don't feel anything. I sometimes wonder if something's wrong with me. Do I lack empathy? Am I cold? Or was my abuse as a child coupled with her words, "I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?" the last time we talked finally just become too much. Either way, she's in the hospital. And I sit here, three states away feeling nothing. I'm not worried about her. I'm more worried that a relative will call, and I'll have to rehash again why I feel nothing. When parents don't do what they should, we pay for it forever in some capacity.
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I have a similar relationship with my father and like you, at this point, feel nothing which sometimes I think is worse than being angry or hurt? I don't know...I'm certainly no expert. I guess I do feel a little bit bad for him. He's really missed out on his kids, his grandkids...and some kind of peace. Regardless, I don't really hold onto grudges or anger, but I don't forget either. :)
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. You're absolutely right. Life is too short. What makes it great is that it's often a good thing that apples fall far, far from the tree. Keep your chin up, and know that you are loved.
I remember the story about the obituary and I, too, thought that it's over. I am sorry that you have to suffer again. I don't know the story behind her hating you, but I can never imagine a mom doing that to her child. I admire you for being so strong despite all these that happened. You are right, life is just too short to spend so much of it filled with hate.
I am sorry for your loss and for what your mother has put you through. I can't imagine dealing with that, but I am thinking of you.
Sorry that your mother died and you did not make peace with her by cutting her off you still held your mother accountable for your pain. I understand this is hard but now is the time to make peace and release so you can move on.
Having a bad relationship with your Mom is one of the hardest roads to walk. I pray that you will find peace and continue to lead with love and never let her final jab rob you of your kindness and joy for life!