Are you friends with your ex on Facebook?
According to a new study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking we have a really hard time getting over exes – especially when we are friends with the ex on Facebook. Tara Marshal of Brunel University in the U.K. followed more than 464 active Facebook users’ progress after a breakup. She evaluated their Facebook habits and the correlation between their emotional recovery and personal adjustment and found that even barring offline contact, the Facebook contact stunted their healing.
So, what does this mean for you, dear reader? Well, in short, if you are still friends with your ex on Facebook, according to this study you may still feel the desire to date that person or not feel closure over the relationship {feelings that might be different if you had no social media contact with that person}. Personally, I think it depends on the ex. I think most people have that ex that still gets to them, but I have a couple exes that our relationships ended on good terms and I can say definitely that looking at their pages doesn’t bother me. I also have a couple exes that I can no longer stand to even look at, let alone talk to on a daily basis {or even yearly, for that matter} and no, they are not on my friends list. That is not because I want them {or that I am afraid I might, given site of their faces, bleh}, it is quite the opposite.
As for the exes that still get to us – I think that most people want to “get along,” and perhaps throwing a Facebook friend request is like offering the proverbial olive branch. Having said that, I think the study is right. If you have an ex on Facebook that you still want and looking at their page tortures you, than yes, kick them off your page. Especially if it’s an ex that you KNOW that you can not have. I mean, it may seem rude {and even explain it to the ex if it makes you feel better} but is it worth it to suffer daily with the “what ifs” just to see someone’s status? Or their relationship status? It used to be that we only had to worry about running into former flames out in public. Now, we can see them all day long – online. Is it worth it? Why do that to yourself?
Are you friends with your ex on Facebook?
If so, does it bother you to look at their page? Are there any exes you specifically DO NOT friend? If so, why?
View Comments (25)
I'm only friends with 2 of the people I ever dated. The rest I don't talk to anymore.
Being friends with people on facebook is something that too many people do carelessly. You are letting them in to your everyday life. Sometimes that's not a good thing. lol
I recently had an ex look me up and his wife messages me. That was creepy. I didn't even want to remember that guy. He was totally not worth my time when I was 16. Like seriously hardly even recalled his name. Crazy!
I have had a couple exes' wives contact me. Both of those exes are ones that I have nothing to do with and their wives are people I don't care to talk to either. One of them I didn't even know - she just sent me a stupid email out of the blue. Hmmm, wonder who gave her the email address? People can be so weird.
Dawn
I am friends with an ex on Facebook, but we don't even talk. I am also friends with his current girlfriend, so it's not sneaky or anything!
I am friends with two exes on Facebook. The relationships were long ago, and I would consider both of them to be friends now. I don't talk to one much because we've just grown apart, but the other is one of my best friends now. The rest of my exes, no, I don't want them on my Facebook because I don't care to see their faces yearly either!
That's quite an interesting thought. I'm friends with just a few exs, but we had been broken up and retained a friendship for a few years before we ever became Facebook friends. But no, I don't think I'd remain Facebook friends with an ex who was fresh and hadn't figured out a new position for them in my life whether it be friend or never speak to again! THEN if after a long time and the healing complete then I'd re-evaluate.
I think it is fine as long as your significant others knows about it and nothing is hidden.
I am friends with my ex on facebook mainly so we can share pictures of kids--doesnt bother either one of us
My husband and I are on the same page on that one luckily. If it is in your past, leave it there, if you want to contact it, leave me alone. Plain and simple. I believe it is too easy when you are in a committed relationship and things get a little hard to start thinking about the what if's with another person, if there is history there, and you have kept in touch, then there is a stronger chance you will not work things out with the one you are with.
Unless you ere friends after your breakup, I don't see a reason to be in contact. It just leads to romanticizing.