For any of you that are unaware of what ghosting means, it’s when your significant other basically falls off the face of the Earth. Essentially, you never hear from them again. Or they are done with you and don’t even offer you the courtesy of an explanation. Are they dead? Did they join a cult? Did they join the circus? Who knows? Certainly not you, that’s for sure. Just like your money at a pyramid scheme convention, they out.
I Was Dying In A Hospital Bed And My Boyfriend Ghosted Me
I started seeing this guy [“Ghost” definitely NOT Patrick Swayze] about a month to a month and a half before my heart attack. To call him my boyfriend might be a bit presumptuouos, but that does make it easier to create a title for a blog post. I was seeing only him and we got together several times a week. I had even introduced him to my longtime friend, James. Although he seemed to have a few personality quirks that I was not all that fond of [he filibustered about himself all the time and he could be extremely judgmental of people, especially strangers], overall, we got along pretty well. He had some really great character traits, too, and he could be quite funny at times.
He was at my house the day before my heart attack. I had symptoms for 4 to 5 days prior, and he saw a lot of that play out. He never once offered to help me get medical attention. I did ask him to take me to the hospital on Sunday [I ended up calling 911 on Monday] and he said that if he did he would drop me off as it was “too stressful” to meet Amber. No one said anything about him meeting Amber nor did I even know if Amber would even be there as the situation had not been presented to her yet. At that point, I didn’t think that I needed an ambulance but I did not feel safe to drive myself. If he was just going to just drop me off, I had no idea how I would get home. He played the pivotal role in why I did not seek medical attention on that Sunday.
He kind of made me feel like I was just being a drama queen. So, I convinced myself that I was and just stayed at home. And suffered.
He ended up leaving me alone that day. He was “stressed out” over the fact that he needed to get the bike rack on his car fixed immediately. Someone had run into the back of it at a stoplight and it was minorly damaged. Yet he was fixated on it and could not talk about anything else. Also my hyperventilating was apparently annoying him. So he left to go get his bike rack looked at. He called or texted me later that day. He had actually gone straight home to take a nap.
I barely slept Sunday night and I called 911 on Monday. Here is what happened to me over the next week if you want to read about that. He did not come to see me in the hospital the entire week I was there. In fact, he has not come to see me since. From someone who made time to see me almost everyday prior to my heart attack, all of a sudden his schedule is jam packed.
He has messaged me a few times since to let me know that he was “stressed” and “busy” and that he would “try” to come see me. After a certain point, maybe a month, I told him to stop “trying” to come see me and that I have plenty of people who actually do. He also let me know that I was “lucky” this happened to me and that he bet I felt “much better” now. I thought that was really weird of him to say. He knows nothing about this. Ask me how I feel. Don’t speak for me. Yes, it was great fun to get my chest cracked open and basically lose the use of my arms for two months. I’m super lucky! *rolls eyes*
We talked on the phone once since this all happened and he complained about how he was tired of eating dinner alone. Seriously? He wouldn’t be alone if he wasn’t a jerk and realized that you’re there for your friends, all the time, not just when they can go out with you and have fun. I’m having a hard time feeling sorry for him. Honestly, I really just get ill now every time I hear from him. He’s not my friend. His actions made that very clear. I am back to the stage where I can go out again. But I have no interest in going anywhere with him.
I Don’t Want No Scrubs
He’s not the only person who crapped out on me. I had another friend [Amber refers to hims as “No Scrubs”] who I basically supported all winter because he was in a tough spot and could not even afford to pay his electric bill or buy groceries. He was also sick one time and hurt his back another this winter. I took him to the hospital. I bought his meds when he could not afford them [he did not have insurance].
I did everything I could to help him because I thought he was my friend. And when I needed him? He was nowhere to be found.
He did not offer even once to help me during my 8 weeks that I needed almost constant care. No offer to pick up meds for me [I have insurance so they wouldn’t have cost him anything], no offer to come stay with me any, no offer to take out my trash. Nothing. I did ask him to come help me for one weekend, a month in advance. He said he would but when that weekend came, at the last minute he was unavailable. And just like a flashing neon sign, I finally saw that this “friendship” was quite one-sided.
Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Having said all that, the ghosting boyfriend did get one thing right. I do in fact feel quite lucky. I had SO MANY people who kicked in to help me. SO MANY. Both of my aunts helped in big ways. Marge bought my blood pressure cuff that I needed immediately when I first got out of the hospital and showed up at my house with tons of food and the cutest bag to carry my meds in, decor for my home and all kinds of stuff. Mary stayed with me one weekend and got the “pleasure” of taking care of my pressure sore that I am STILL fighting, by the way. These things don’t play. My sister April and her kids even came to visit a few times and brought a bunch of food.
My friends Ronda, Avery and Johnetta all kicked in and drove me to cardiac rehab appointments [and Ronda and Avery had to both drive at least 30 minutes each way to do that]. Avery helped move furniture around in my house to better accommodate my needs. Ronda also kept me company several days and, when I was ready, escorted me back out into the world to our old faves: concerts and Starbucks! And Johnetta’s daughter, Jacklyn, stayed with me two weekends and introduced me to the world of “Attack On Titan.”
Amber painted my nails and combed out my hospital rat’s nest hair out so that I could still feel like I was me and Jay went WAY above and beyond. He stayed with me almost that entire 8 weeks, using up all his vacation days for the year. He drove me to countless doctor’s and cardiac rehab appointments. He did almost everything for me for quite some time. I wish everyone’s divorces and separations could be like ours. We get on each other’s nerves and don’t want to live together, but we are definitely friends. It was really cool of him to help me in such a big way when I needed it most. And for that I am quite grateful.
Friends Are Like Trees
I saw something on Facebook about how friends are like trees: some are roots, some are branches and some are leaves. “Ghost” and “No Scrubs” are definitely leaves, though it took me a long time to see that with “No Scrubs.” But yes, he’s definitely a leaf. Everyone else mentioned here are roots and branches. These people are all keepers and I am lucky to have them in my life. I really hope they all know it. <3