I am originally from a small town in the Appalachian Mountains of southwestern Virginia. I won’t mention the town’s name here, because some folks might get a little upset with me for posting this. But, I really thought that this would be a fun post and, hopefully, give you all a little chuckle. You see, this town, albeit small, had its share of characters. I mean, if you thought Mayberry had characters, you ain’t seen nothin’ til you see this town. Yes, I realize that sentence is full of grammatical errors, but that’s the way they talk there. For that matter, that’s the way they talk throughout the South.
I Was Born In A Small Town
A & The Bicycle
Anyway, here’s story number one. One of the characters in this town we’ll call “A”. “A” was a little…well…he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic, if you know what I mean. Another character in this story was a man who had so many drunk driving tickets that he no longer had a driver’s license but instead rode a bicycle all around town. One hot summer day, the drunkard was riding his bike when when someone he knew saw him and offered him a ride back home. The drunkard accepted, but there was no room for his bicycle. “A” was doing his normal thing, standing out in front of the local hardware store, begging people for money. The drunkard yelled over to “A” and said, “A, I’ll give you a dollar if you’ll push my bicycle home for me.”
“A” answered with a quick, “Alright,” and walked over and grabbed the bike. About an hour later, someone was sitting out on their front porch when they saw “A” come by, pushing the bike. Curious, the person on the porch asked, “A, why don’t you hop on that bike and ride it?” A’s answer was simple: “He didn’t say nuttin’ ’bout ridin’, he said push.”
My Grandfather & The Insurance Adjuster
Here is my personal favorite story. It involved my grandfather. After he retired from his job as a security guard, he took to driving a coal truck for a living. One day, with a friend of his from town in the truck with him, his truck stalled out on the railroad tracks, just as the train was coming. No one was injured when the train collided with the truck, however the truck was totaled.
A few days later, an insurance adjuster came to town to investigate the accident. He asked to speak with my grandfather. He then asked my grandfather if anyone else was in the truck with him at the time of the accident. My grandfather looked at the guy and realized immediately he was a city slicker with no idea how things worked in this little country hick town. So, he decided to have a little fun with this guy.
He told the adjuster that there was someone else in the truck with him. The adjuster said he would have to speak with that gentleman, too. My grandfather laughed to himself and thought, “Gentleman? He don’t know Tom at all. He ain’t no gentleman.” My grandfather explained that Tom did not have a car or a phone, so they would have to ride out to see him. The adjuster agreed, and they got into my grandfather’s car and drove out to Tom’s house.
Tom lived in a small development on the outskirts of town. When they got to the street where Tom lived, my grandfather told the adjuster, “I ought to warn you, the further you go down this road, the meaner the people get. And they don’t like strangers.” The adjuster asked, “How far do we have to go down the road?” My grandfather wryly replied, “Last house on the left.” You should have seen the look on the adjuster’s face.
Don’t Blink Or You’ll Miss It
One final story. There was a little section, and I do mean little, that we will refer to as “P-ville.” When I say this section of town was tiny, well, I’ll just let the story tell you how tiny. There was only a factory and one little country store in this section. One day an out-of-town business traveler came through looking for the factory. He stopped at the country store to ask for directions. When he asked the man behind the counter if he knew where P-Ville was, the guy threw his hands up and screamed, “DON”T MOVE!” The traveler was startled. His eyes got as big as silver dollars. The man behind the counter said calmly, “If you do, you’ll be out of (P-Ville).”
Did You Grow Up In A Small Town?
I told you, the town I grew up in was full of characters. I could go on all day, but I will spare you, for now. What was the town or city that you grew up in like? Were there people that you remember to this day that you haven’t seen in years? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below.